Why We People-Please & How To Stop

Are you a people pleaser? Do you often find yourself doing everything for everyone except yourself? Are you constantly exhausted, lacking healthy boundaries, and struggling to find the confidence to hold them? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. Many women in their 30s to 40s feel the same way.

It's easy to fall into the trap of people-pleasing. We all want to be liked and accepted by others, and sometimes we believe that saying yes to every request will make that happen. But the truth is, constantly putting others before ourselves can leave us feeling drained, unfulfilled, and resentful.

If you're ready to take control of your life and set healthy boundaries, Internal Family Systems Coaching (IFS) may be the answer you've been searching for. IFS is a type of coaching that helps individuals explore and understand their emotions and behaviors by looking at their internal "parts."

In IFS, your mind is viewed as a system made up of different "parts" that each have their own unique beliefs and emotions. Some of these parts may be helpful, while others may be holding you back.

For people-pleasers, the part that typically needs the most attention is the "pleaser" part. This part of you is responsible for making sure everyone else is happy, often at the expense of your own needs and desires. It can be difficult to recognize this part at first, but with the help of an IFS therapist, you can learn to identify it and work through its underlying beliefs and emotions.

One of the key benefits of IFS is that it empowers you to take control of your own healing. Instead of relying on the therapist to "fix" you, you learn how to work with your parts to create lasting change. This approach can be especially helpful for people-pleasers, who may have a tendency to look to others for validation and approval.

IFS can also help you develop the confidence to set and hold healthy boundaries. By exploring the underlying emotions and beliefs that are holding you back, you can learn to identify and challenge negative self-talk and self-doubt. With practice, you can start to trust yourself and your own instincts, and feel more confident in saying no to requests that don't align with your values and priorities.

Of course, like any type of coaching, IFS is not a quick fix. It takes time, effort, and commitment to see lasting results. But for people-pleasers who are ready to take control of their lives and set healthy boundaries, it can be a powerful tool for healing and growth.

If you're interested in learning more about IFS and how it can help you break free from people-pleasing and find greater fulfillment in your life, I encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist. With the right support and guidance, you can start to transform your relationship with yourself and others, and create a life that truly feels aligned with your values and desires.